Archive for February, 2013

I was overseas when I first heard H.E.R voice. It was around the time my parents thought I was Raising Hell, so when she told me to Walk this Way, I didn’t argue.  While the Dumb Girls around me argued over who was the King of Rock,  I started to zone out and just listen to H.E.R talk. H.E.R voice was like nothing ever heard, I could find rhymes inside her lines but at the same time she was painting pictures. I wanted to understand more about H.E.R. She made her world sound intriguing but my life was a far cry from what she spoke about. She was Proud to be Black and I was too young to feel pride. I loved the feeling of being by H.E.R side and but when I looked up at H.E.R, yearning, she would look away and say, “It’s Tricky”. So I went back to learning about Peter Piper and Jack n Jill, stuffing my feelings for H.E.R all the way down in My Adidas.

She was a fleeting thought, so when she came back, I looked at H.E.R like a long lost cousin who you were never sure how to feel about. I was curious and cautious. She had been Boogying Down making new Productions. I stared at H.E.R, long and hard, not sure if she would open up to me. There was something different about H.E.R; she was now combining education and entertainment. I proceeded to look at H.E.R up and down, the feelings started to come back almost immediately. What happened next played out in my mind, over and over again for years to come. She saw the lust I had forming again; she could feel my heart skipping beats. Looking down at me, she said in a motherly tone, “If you don’t watch out, Loves Gonna Gethcha”.

I moved around a few times and finally broke to the west coast, which was cool, as it was time to focuson school. By this time, the constant moves from country and continent left me lost and self conscious.  My school was filled with the strings and picks of Hendrix, so I became too.  She would not visit my new hometown, as my town was more for those who were quite Grateful or nearly Dead. The Lacoste was tossed and tie dye made its way onto my back and I forgot about my friend. I didn’t yearn for H.E.R, I didn’t even miss   H.E.R.

My passion wilted again. Even as my hormones raged, I didn’t feel worthy of her lofty love.  It was in the 9th grade when my luck began to change.  Some of my friends secretively pulled me into the high school bathroom, where H.E.R sister stood. She slyly smiled at me as she told me that she just moved to my city.  She looked a lot like H.E.R but there were differences. She saw the passion raging in my eyes and she returned the gaze.  I decided to Turn Off the Radio and replaced the Young M.Cs with stories that began with “Once Upon a Time in the Projects”.   She let me into her world of Gangsta Fairytales and even told me specifics about her Dead Homiez. I was in.

One day on my way home, I saw her, standing at the bus stop sucking on a lollipop, her name was Lisa, Angela, Pamela, Rene…all rolled in one. That was the day, we fucked. I was finally inside the world that I had so longed for and there was no going back. From that day forward I was constantly with H.E.R’s sister and all of her friends.  She introduced me to 8 Ball, Quick DJ’s and Compton’s Most Wanted females.  I said “bye bye” to the tie dye and “hello” to the starter jerseys and hats. Her words, her actions all mirrored the unsettled insides and emotions brewing within me, for almost five years.

It was almost 5 years later when I ran into H.E.R, in Paris, France. She was not edutaining anymore but she was craftier, she was raw. Her words were no longer the simple, soft sounds I remembered. She told me that she was really focused on her New York State of Mind. She looked right at me and told me, she switched her motto, “Instead of saying fuck tomorrow that buck that bought the bottle might have struck the lotto”.  My knees buckled.  My Memory Lane   wanted H.E.R to Represent as what she was before but she was so much more now. My Doubts were no longer Reasonable, there was nowhere else to be, except near H.E.R.  I began studying H.E.R every move. I watched the way she walked, the way she talked. I decided All I Need was H.E.R. I never disrespected H.E.R, I never took H.E.R name in vain. I was true to the path that she had laid and that is why she began to smile at me. One day when she was on the radio, I even heard H.E.R say my name.

                                                        So when I saw H.E.R

                                                          At the Wherehouse….

I wanted to step to see if my rep, help any Water

But Like Chocolate, it melted

And I had recently belted my felt tip

Cuz it wrote about the scent of a woman every time it smelt it

To hell with it, I couldn’t pass up this perfect poem

I saw forming in front of me

I was thinking of a sweaty sexual scene

Where I’m king, she’s queen

A ten hour marathon… with massages in-between

See I’m a Fiend for Microphones

An addict of writing poems

And I was being inspired by this cyclone

That I wanted to take to my home…

When I imagined her cat, it caught my tongue

Even the dog in me couldn’t get the caged bird to sing I wanted to RUN

Back to DMC days, before L’s when it was Cool for J to just play

With girls, way before this dating world

When it didn’t even matter if I was making pearls

Cuz I could tell by how she stood

That it wasn’t enough

Her force field looked much too tough

Did I inherit some gene that didn’t allow me to speak up?

I wanted to say “Hi how are you?”

But she probably heard that line all the time

If only she saw me last night dropping a rhyme THEN she’d be mine!

Man I need something smooth

I really got nothing to lose

Maybe I should just make that move

I could tell her, “I’m not a Player but I drink Crush…a lot”

And maybe we could catch a cold one in the parking lot

My palms were sweaty, knees weak

Its on, I’m ready!

Looking at her skirt and ass

I almost burst into a laugh cuz it was “Perfection”

But then I remembered hurts from the past, the rejection

I recalled the kids that ditched me and dissed me in the third grade

That one girl that didn’t cum that said I was the worst lay

Suddenly a cursed Jay reversed ways back to his schools first days

And I was tongue tied, with a Boy Scout twist…

jwalkermusic3

The chance with H.E.R came and went. Fears and insecurities kept me from running with H.E.R circle. I would and still do get to visit H.E.R, as a friend, and it is always “nice”. She respects me so much now, she even asked, “How come you and I were never an item”? I take a deep sigh and think about lost opportunities. She told me that younger men are her thing now.

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